before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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