Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
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