he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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