Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize