the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
