hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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