Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So vagazzling was a success
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
