I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
