Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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