Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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