Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
