Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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