Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
