I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
