I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
