After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
