What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
