no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
