like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
