did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
