when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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