I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
