If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
