Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
