I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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