Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize