I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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