Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
