last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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