Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
