I'll bet she douches with gravy.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
