i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I don't deserve a penis
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
