This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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