So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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