I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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