i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
