That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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