hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
