He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
