you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
