what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize