Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(337): View more from Louisiana

Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon

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(606): View more from Kentucky

Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.

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(512): View more from Texas

I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.

(512): View more from Texas

I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?

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(905): View more from Ontario

I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.

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(504): View more from Louisiana

My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.

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