He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize