At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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