It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think my fart just growled at me.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
