Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
