So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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