rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
