The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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