"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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