my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
