Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
