So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
