True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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