We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
We talked him into tasing himself.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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