he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
