im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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