just come out here and I will go home with you...
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize