Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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