Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
