Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
