She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize