my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
