so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Be still, my beating vagina.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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