best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
