i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I said "one day" and that day is not today
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
