She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
