don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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