Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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