I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
