After last night, I could never be a politician.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize