It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
