Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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