Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
