I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Houston, we have a squirter
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
