I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
