the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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