In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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