tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
